By Dominic Ireland | November 22, 2018
Cyndi Lauper has long been recognized as a wildly successful musician. From her multiple hits throughout her career, to more than 10 tours both in and out of the US. Her crazy fashion, devil may care attitude and suggestive lyrics have earned her the title of “sex icon” for many who were teens and young adults in the mid-late 80s.
Despite this disappointing legacy, her true fans and followers known of as “screechers” were elated to hear that their favorite piece “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” has just been inducted into the Pop and Rock hall of failure as “Most Annoying Song in the History of Pop”.
“Yes, according to our considerable research, we have not only voted, but scientifically confirmed that ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ is most definitely the most annoying song in the history of Pop, if not in history, period.” Wrote Irving M. Deaf, leading researcher at the Educational Association of Research on Sound (E.A.R.S. for short)
“Oh yes, I’ve followed her throughout her career and I have to say this is the most exciting news I’ve heard in ages. It was a real downer when she started to take off. Her high pitched wails of ‘Just wanna, they just wanaaaaa’ used to wake me up every morning. There’s nothing more jarring, and I’ve passed that tradition on to my kids. It’s our version of TAPS. Now that she’s getting the attention she deserves, I feel much more entitled to my role as a screecher.” Says Kim, a 47-year-old mother of 4 and lifetime fan of Cyndi Lauper.
“It’s the perfect combination of catchy and terrible. The chorus can pop up anywhere in any social setting, nobody can remember the actual lyrics in the verses and the timbre of the young Cyndi Lauper is simply unbearable.” Raves prevailing music critic Dedum Bumpabum.
“I swear if I hear that song one more time, I’ll shove both of these pencils so far into my ears, they’ll be claiming lead poisoning as the cause of death in my autopsy.” Raves local bar owner Lee K. Taps.
In light of the recent events, local retro bars and music halls have removed the record from their collections. DJs across the US have reported “No longer playing Cyndi Lauper” alongside “No I do not take requests” on their resumes and applications.
“I can’t expect the layman to understand, but when a song is declared officially annoying, it has to be removed and banned on principal alone. If the great ‘What’s New Pussycat’ scandal of 1975 has taught us anything, it’s that the most annoying songs are always going to be played the longest and the loudest, probably out of the jukebox 20 times with a brief reprieve before they play it another 20 times in a row.” Says local diner-owner Brett Mahnek.
“If we agreed to play the songs that [the audience] wanted it would be nothing but the top 10 most annoying songs of the time. Now Cyndi has been declared most annoying, we’ll get nothing but requests for her. It’s like some sort of unspoken rule. The more annoying a song is, the more people want to hear it on the dance floor. I haven’t taken a request since 1997 and I’m not planning on starting just because some namby pamby sex icon from the 1980’s got a bee in her bonnet and decided to become ‘most annoying’ I don’t care what her so called ‘screechers’ want.” Says DJ Spinnet.
On a more global scale, the World Music and Dance Festival has put a “No 80’s sound bits” rule in place to prevent more avant-garde musicians from including any part of the song in their sets. No fewer than seven countries have added it to their blacklist of songs no longer allowed to be played on the radio, following the nomination by E.A.R.S. Pirate radio stations have been popping up off of the coasts of these countries playing nothing but this particular 1980s hit. Both authorities as well as citizens have been trying to hunt the perpetrators down.
In a surprising turn of events, Cyndi Lauper has announced a Summer Tour with fellow 80s sex icon and annoying song artist Rod Stewart. There’s even some rumor of “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy” being up for nomination next year in the newly founded Academy of Terrible Art’s “Crummy” awards for “Most Annoying Song 2018”.