Your monthly horoscope by Jason Lowbatt
Aries (March 21-April 19)
This month, you might have to go through four years of random riffs named “new groove” in your voice memos to find an idea for a theme song. Be patient, and keep in mind you recorded most of these while you were high.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Mercury enters Leo so you can expect feeling overwhelmed by an unusual amount of half used 9v batteries in your cupboard.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
As the Libra new moon and eclipse align on April 7, you might get you bass stolen before you had time to send that payment to your insurance company. You may have to hit the pawn shops.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
With a solar eclipse in Mars on the 2nd, you might finally summon up the courage to restring that one with the floyd rose. But you could totally wait another month, like, you don’t play it that much, it’s still fine.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
This month, if attending a party, you might find yourself having to discuss music with a jazz snob. Try your best to approach the situation diplomatically, but you may decide to slowly walk away.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
Jupiter moves into your sign in April: when the crowd cheers for an encore, act surprised.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
You could experience difficulties getting over your last breakup, due to the sun that merges with Pluto, and the fact that you’re playing at five different weddings this month.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
If you’re going on tour, you might have to room with a night farter.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
This month, it will be hard to find balance between resenting DJs for making twice the pay of a whole band by pressing spacebar, and wanting to become a DJ.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
A Scorpio full moon indicates that you’ve been eating pasta every other day for the past decade. Find ways of increasing your annual income.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
When the moon is in the Seventh House and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars. This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius
Age of Aquarius
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
Having to learn an entire set in two days when you haven’t practiced your instrument these last two months because you were considering giving up music because you have no gigs, might be challenging this month, Pisces.
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